Solaria's Blog

A year in review...

This blogpost is for 32-Bit Cafe's New Years event!

I started off this year living with my parents, and ended it living on my own in my own home. Its nothing big or fancy, its on old trailer (mobile home), but it is in fact Mine, and it feels so good to be in charge of my own space and beholden to only my own schedule. I have space for my stuff, I have open counters to cook and bake whatever I want whenever I want, and without annoying questions!

The process of buying it sucked, but I'm glad I pushed through it. My minor home renovations (such as replacing my livingroom floor) have also made me feel accomplished. Improving my living space with my own hands provides satisfaction and pride that paying someone else to do it cannot. Sucessfully living on my own also makes me feel capable and more confident in myself.

My livingroom featuring a rainbow pattern made by a sun catcher!

That alone was a big change, but not all. I did not change jobs, yet my job changed significantly throughout the year. I started the year with very little to do, our dentist and manager having left the previous year around the same time as each other. We went through many temporary dentists and got an Interesting manager who seemed more preoccupied with decorating rather than managing. There was drama, but not a lot of work, which allowed me to keep enough energy everyday to work on my home after work.

Our last temporary dentist eventually got his own practice and began working part time between that office and ours, reducing our work volume even more. Eventually corperate sent me and a coworker to other offices to help them out and reduce the costs of our home office. The days of fooling around at work were over <\3 I went to three different offices to help out the labs, being a "processor" or a dental tech trainee. I learned a lot from that experience, even if the technicians were not as good as the one who trained me. I gained some confidence in my skills, as the other techs trusted me more than my mentor. I learned different techniques, speed, and that my skills and personality were valued. Ever since, each office has frequently requested to have me back.

However I almost became jaded. One day corperate sent me to an office to fill in for the main lab tech, where as I had only been sent to help out before. They wanted to use me as a traveling lab tech for the price of a trainee, easily underpaying me by 20$/hr. I was mad and had in fact made it clear prior that I did not agree to filling in as a full tech without being promoted with a raise. With a dentist upset she didn't have a lab tech, she raised a fuss to corprate who called me, where we agreed I would get a "bonus" for doing full tech work. I was not happy with the solution, but I did see it as a compromise and something to move forward with. (Negotiating like this as someone with social anxiety is also a win).

From then on I asked every corperate person I could interact with if I could get a raise/promotion. Everyone of them gave me the same bullshit excuses, that the "position wasn't open," the company isn't doing raises this year, and most infuriatingly "Oh but we're giving you a bonus :)" Bonus my ass, it was only 200$ extra a month after taxes, and bonuses can always be taken away. For context I make 15.45$/hr whereas full techs make around 30$/hr. If you're gonna use me like one, pay me like one. Yeah I was pissed. I started knowing jack shit about anything, but now I can make dentures start to finish, you expect me to, you send me traveling, and every lab you send me to wants to keep me, but my skills are worth 45 cents? (Yeah that was the only "raise" I ever got).

I was feeling taken advantage of and hopeless, not finding any dental tech jobs open near enough to me, and honestly still not confident enough in my skills to be a lab manager on my own.

The only thing that changed was that the company reinstated its regional lab managers, corperate people whose job it is is to look out for the labs. Our new regional manager was someone who my mentor spoke highly of, so I sent him a long email as a last ditch effort to get something to change. I'm so glad I did. On my first phonecall with him I finally felt like I was Heard. He was down to earth and fucking gets it, having worked in the lab himself. He promised me that he'd be working on getting me promoted with a respectable wage. Every other corperate person was like talking to an uncaring brick wall. He acknowleged in literally these words, that I was getting "fucked"

That was enough to finally give me some hope and sense of future in my career (by the way I never had a dream career for myself, never knew what I wanted to do with myself, but now I do c:3). Last week was technically 2025, but he himself assessed my skills, said he was very impressed, and told me his plans of getting me a good raise with my promotion. Just yesterday he told me my new hourly pay would be 26$/hr, thats almost an 11$ jump from now! 26$/hr is very reasonable for a full tech just starting out as one, which I am.

I started 2024 a processor, a trainee not fully capable of being a full tech, and I have ended it confident in my abilities, skills, and knowledge as a full tech. I've learned so much from my experiences in these other labs, and have been honing in my skills meanwhile. This year I went from comfortable but stagnant, to challenged and bitter, to confident and hopeful in my career.

This is part of my work! Being able to "set teeth" is what makes a full lab tech.

All the while I became responsible for a mama cat and her three kittens, having took her in midpregnancy. I watched her kittens grow from helpless tiny lumps to little wobbly kittens, to very active almost as big as Mama cats! Coming home to them was delighftul, seeing how they grew and their personalities already developing at such a young age. Knowing that Mama and her babies aren't out in the cold, reassures me that I did the right thing, even if four cats in my small home is a lot and they can be little shits.

Here is mama and her babies shortly after their birth

I also got to experience a few cool things, like a partial solar eclipse with my friends, and a magical magenta aurora in my home state of Pennsylvania!

A few things sucked, like being jerked around by corperate, feeling beat up and tired after traveling, my grandpa almost dying, my house getting moldy, the US election results, but overall the year has been a good one for me. I may have more responsibilities (including bills) but I also have more agency over my life, more accomplishments, and a greater sense of competency. I feel less directionless and depressed. My skills are valued at work, and I even know "what I want to be when I grow up". This really is the year I finally feel like an adult (at the age of 25) rather than a teen. And it feels good. It feels hopeful.

Life update (Why I haven't Updated my Site Much)

You may have noticed I haven't been as active on my site as I used to be. This is because of two reasons: moving and work changes.

I bought my first own home in feburary this year, a "mobile" home (they are actually not that mobile, they are just initially delivered by truck, but cannot really be picked up and moved again). For the first few months I was very invested in fixing everything up, and that replaced my fixation on webstuff. I'm no longer fixated on that (despite still having to replace my kitchen floor oops) but I don't have home wifi yet and work has been kicking my ass.

I haven't got home wifi yet because I was living pay check to pay check on my 15$/hr wage. I have more money saved up now, but it is from traveling, which does not feel like a stable source of income to me (it is not a permanent travel position). I really do not like traving, but I was afraid I would lose my job if I did not continue to agree, and I love what I do honestly. The hands on way of making dentures is perfect for my brain. Its a craft. Its not something that my brain feels compelled to procrastinate. I don't feel like I'm slogging through meaningless shit, instead I feel pride and satisfaction in my work. But the location I was hired at slowed down due to our dentist leaving, so I was sent to other locations to help them while not costing my home office.

I learned a lot from these locations, and my confidence in my skills greatly improved. But its exhaustiing driving an hour to someplace, busting ass, and then driving an hour back home. People drive dangerously on the highway, sometimes I get stuck in traffice due to accidents, I've seen accidents happen in real time due to impatient assholes. I'm often gone from my home 11 hrs a day, and then I'm too worn out to work on my house or website.

I'm hoping soon to get a signifigant raise/promotion as well as a permanent location. The location is further than I prefer, but the shortest and easiest drive of the locations I've traveled to (aside from my home office). The dentists and manager are also major assholes, which will suck so bad, but its my only opportunity to advance my career. There aren't positions for dental lab techs open near me (and thats leaving out the fact that they usually require more years of experience than I have).

I make 15.45$ currently (thanks 3% inflation adjustment I guess) and have been asking for a real raise for two years now. I started this job with absolutely no experience or knowlege almost three years ago at 15$/hr, and I am now have the skills of a full dental lab tech, which typically make around 30$/hr. I've been made to travel (which typically garners more earnings) as a full lab tech. I have had every office I've work at request me to work full time there as a full tech, yet corperate gives me the same bullshit excuses why they cannot give me a raise/promotion.

I was about to give up hope until they restructured their management to reinstate regional lab managers, aka people in corperate who have worked in the lab and fucking get it. I finally was able to talk to a genuine down to earth guy who isn't full of corprate bullshit. Someone who could help me and actually wanted to (instead of brushing me aside). I finally felt heard since every corperate I'd talked to before was a brick wall.

Anyways he's planning on getting me assessed in January 2025 so I can finally get a promotion and a permanent location. It will be hard work (very busy office) but with a raise and permanent location I plan to get home wifi, and hopefully I will be able to work on my website more!!!

Things I tell Myself

Social anxiety and the only way I've been able to wear it down.

I have had anxiety since I was at least 12, both general and social anxiety. I had a few unexplained panic attacks in 6th grade (no more none since early highschool) and I became increasingly insecure.

Ever since I was very young I have been sensitive, maybe it's the ADHD rejection sensitive dysphoria, maybe it's just how I'm wired through other genetics, either way I know it's not trauma based, my sensitivity made me an easy target for bullying not the other way around.

But at the same time I was not afraid to talk to any of my peers at school about anything and make friends. Although I always have desperately wanted to be liked, this manifested as making jokes to get people to laugh. I spoke my opinions loudly and confidently (though I was a bit of an asshole know-it-all). While my sensitivity was not nurture based, maybe the social anxiety was a product of socialization. I've always been a weird and sensitive kid and naturally that leads to bullying, nothing physical for me, but being regarded as something diseased can have a toll on a developing mind.

Some people say that homeschooling deprives children of the chance to socialize with their peers. I'd argue that going through school as a weird kid is worse. You learn that your peers dislike you by default. Don't join in conversation because you'll get The Stare. Every bout of laughter is at you. Everything you do is a bit of entertainment and their memory holds onto things you did in second grade. Just sitting at your desk will earn glances and snickering, even recording if you're a young enough generation (we had smart phones in highschool).

I thought that the saying "kids are cruel" was an unfair and bad take. Then I went to college. People from my classes said hi to me when we walked past each other! No body gave a shit about what you did. But of course by then I was already ruined. My shyness bred by school left me woefully unadept at making friends. I made a few with art majors, but none in my major, which left me feeling rather lonely.

All this to say I have social anxiety and have had it since I was 12. I have general anxiety too, but that's pretty well treated by anxiety meds. The meds do nothing for my social anxiety however. I've tried to go to therapy under my insurance, and while I learned a few things, I felt like I already knew the script so to speak and the "right" answers. Maybe I didn't shop around enough, but I can't stand doing that.

My first therapist tried to teach me deep breathing ._. all that did was make me anxious over how I was breathing. No amount of controlled slow breathing has ever made me feel better, usually worse actually. She tried to teach me mindfulness but that just didn't stick or vibe with me. I told her about my motivation issues and procrastination, and she told me that my fixation on coding was the problem (at the time I was just beginning to teach myself HTML/CSS). I knew right then and there she was not the one for me. I've had that issue since I was 14 no matter my interests.

To be fair she did teach me one useful thing, though a bit wrapped up in phrasing that made it hard for me to take seriously: "avoid avoiding" which means that avoiding what makes you anxious only makes your anxiety worse, it's a feedback loop. I did not accept it at the time, due to finding her other input lacking, but I eventually learned that she was right about that. Tackling something that makes you anxious helps your brain learn that, hey, I can do this! Putting it off or avoiding it keeps you in fear. Of course you have to challenge your anxiety brain a lot for there to be a significant change, one accomplishment isn't going to cure you, but it helps to be in the right mindset.

That brings me to "the things I tell myself":

1. "Avoiding this will just make your anxiety worse, do it to challenge your anxiety" (or simply: "get it over with")
   • this helps for stuff like scheduling appointments and other phone calls. Also applies to confronting other people. Seeing it as a challenge for yourself to get better, rather than a potential for social failure
2. "The worst they can say is no" or "what's they worst they can say/do?"
   • job applications, returning an item at the store, asking someone a question. Really what's the worst they can say? Vast majority of people aren't going to roast you (if they do they're an asshole, see #3), they'll just decline, and you'll be in the same place you are as if you never asked. But if you do take the chance then you have the potential for a yes! You don't get that if you don't ask.
3. "If they're gonna judge you for that they're an asshole anyways and their opinion doesn't matter" or "nobody cares, but if they do they're an asshole" or "that's on them, not you"
   • Sure I'd like to think everyone assumes the best in the other and is forgiving of minor errors, but we all know some people are not. I worked at a Dunkin where all the other employees made fun of how the customers ordered. The customers weren't even being rude, maybe they just said flavor instead of syrup or whatever. My point is if someone judges you for saying something awkward, asking an obvious question, etc, they're an asshole and what they think of you is irrelevant. It didn't hurt them in anyway, so why are they being a dick? This also works for things like wearing clothes you like, not shaving your legs, any social convention you're breaking that doesn't hurt anyone
4. "Its not personal"
   • someone saying something blunt or rude to you isnt something you should take to heart. It may just be how they speak to everyone. Maybe they don't like you for some stupid reason and are being an asshole, that's on them not you. (#3 again)
   • Note that that this is for people who have social anxiety

     if you don't have social anxiety, but find that many people who are usually nice to others are treating you hostile, maybe it's how you communicate, maybe you nitpicking people and argue about minor things, maybe you put down other people's interests or knowledge and treat yours as better, maybe you always bring up how you have it worse
5. "It's not about you"
   • honestly sometimes when someone laughs at you in public, they don't hate your or even remember you, maybe what you did was funny. I'll be honest and say I've laughed to friends about what I've seen someone do in public. It's not about finding that person themselves to be a fool worthy of ridicule, but finding their situation to be amusing. I don't keep that person in my mind as someone who is x or did y, I really don't have any feelings about that person. I might be a bit of an asshole for this one, but we've all got some asshole in us
6. "I get irritated by them too, doesn't mean I hate them"
   • Have you ever thought that something your friend said/did was embarrassing, insensitive, or stupid? You're probably still friends and love them anyways. We are all bound to irritate each other here and there, that's a normal part of humans being different. If you have the grace in you still be friends with your friend even if they said/did something insensitive, your friends can do the same for you! If your friends can't tolerate being annoyed by you here and there, maybe they're not very good friends.
   • Your coworker said or did something stupid or assholeish, you bitched about it to another coworker, and then you continued working like normal. You probably have some different pet peeves that almost everyone of your coworkers manages to hit. This is normal when spending an extended time with other human beings. You might even complain about it, this is normal too. So if you hear someone complaining about you, they probably don't hate you, they're just annoyed. You likely get annoyed at them too.
7. "They're probably busy or meant to respond but forgot"
   • This was an old mantra of mine I had to use to train myself out of being a clingy online friend. I'm mostly over this now, but age 15 I used to be really bad about frantically messaging a friend if they didn't reply "soon enough". I was so fearful of being abandoned and desperate for people to like me, I took delayed or no response as an indicator that they didn't like what I said and thus were not going to like me. Like wise I over apologized in order to get reassurance that they didn't hate me.
   • This mantra and my very patient buddie trained me out of this shit.
   • Anyways the idea was no, they didn't not respond because they don't want to be friends with you, they are probably just busy with something else: homework, cooking, work, sleep, etc. and sometimes you just forget to respond, nothing personal.
   • oh and by the way, just because they may be active somewhere else online, doesn't mean they are avoiding you either. You're not entitled to anyone's time, they can have other friends and activities too, I'm sure you do as well.

It takes years of telling yourself these things for it to work. At first it feels a bit delusional to tell yourself something you don't really believe, then like a desprate coping mechanism, as if you are clinging to these words so that you don't have a breakdown. It eventually becomes a reminder, from a lecturing parent reminder to an oh yeah that's right reminder. Then it becomes what you believe.

Once it becomes a light reminder, it's so much easier to deal with these things that your social anxiety worries about. Once you really believe it and don't have to remind yourself is when it's no longer a part of your social anxiety. Again, it takes a long ass time of telling yourself these things over and over for them to work. Not that you have to recite them daily, just when a social situation inspires that gut wrenching feeling or dread.

You may be in an environment where some of these don't apply, like bullying at school or the workplace. Then yeah, they do care and it is personal, but hopefully you can cling to #3s "if they're gonna judge you for something harmless they're an asshole anyways and their opinion doesn't matter" to get through it before you move on to something better.

This blog post was inspired by Millers Mantra Page!

400+ Neocities Followers!

I've recently hit 400 followers on neocities as well as showing up on the first page of neocities most followed websites holy shit!

I never imagined reaching either milestones when I first joined neocities, 2.5 years ago. I just wanted a place to host a few designs so I could send it to online friends and didn't care if anyone else saw it. But I explored other people's sites and found myself enamored by the culture even if I didn't quite understand things like webrings or buttons yet. Inspired, I made pages on anything that interested me. Art, resources, links, shrines, etc. I found cool sites and people slowly but surely found mine.

I'm still not on neocities to be popular, I would be doing what I am with my site regardless of how many people follow me. But I have to say this is the first place I feel recognized or appreciated for who/how I am. On deviantart and Instagram I felt I could never draw the right fanart or OC art that other people liked, and I ended up losing the desire to draw for myself. After about two years I would abandon the account and make a new one, feeling haunted by my past and spurred by a strong desire to reinvent myself.

On my website I don't feel like that. Maybe it's because I can make a new page with any vibe I want, its not organized chronologically, or maybe it's because I have grown less ashamed of myself, no longer being engulfed by the urge to wipe my past presence out of existence. My online past is no longer something untouchable I must hide if I don't like it, it's something that's growing with me, that I can build on to reflect how I've changed.

In the end my neocities site not a numbers game and I don't ever want it to be, but I'm very flattered y'all like my site ❤

If I can give any advice, it's to make your site for you first and foremost. Give it aesthetics you like and fill it with your interests! Share your art, words, knowledge, collections, etc! Please don't make a site just to appeal to other people. Its also okay if you can't do what you want with your site yet. Do what you can and learn new things one at a time! have fun out there :3

In Defense of Hyperfocusing

Maybe I'm balking away from genuinely good advice and hiding into what I know, but I am tired of "doing x for a short amount of time every day" being treated as the only healthy/productive/sustainable way to achieve goals. This may be a good method for exercise goals, long term goals, or large projects, but what about small projects? Or people who just want to learn or do a specific thing rather than master a skill?

One of my problems with this method is that I have so many goals/aspirations and I could not possibly fit all of them in one day. The idea of scheduling my hobbies makes me writhe in my skin. It goes so much against my nature and for what?

My main problem with this is that for certain projects I cannot get any signifigant amount of work done in under an hour. Almost all of that hour will be taken up by me mentally preparing and getting in the zone. Gathering ideas, resources, background, refreshing myself on what ive already done, brainstorming what to do next, etc. Maybe I could dive right in on more mindless work like crochet and cleaning, but painting and Adult Responsibility Planning takes more thought.

Once I've finally gotten in the zone I now have the momentum to get the actual work done. Its an engrossing and satisfying experience, even if it leaves me disoriented at the end of it. The idea of stopping myself prematurely just to start on something else I'll have to get into the zone of doing? It sounds so exhusting and UNproductive.

Who is it hurting if I don't draw or paint an hour every day or every week? Why is it bad to take an entire weekend day to make a painting from start to finish? Its not like I do that everyday. If I start a hobby and work at it for a few days/weeks and then drop it, that does not mean I have "failed". I still have learned something new, enjoyed the experience, and maybe even made something material to show for it. Its a hobby, not a life time commitment.

Maybe I'm not "disiplined," but that does not mean I cannot get things done.

Its important to mention that many autistic and ADHD people work this way. This experience may be refered to as "hyperfocusing", "autistic inertia", or as a part of "monotropism". Things that are effective for neurotypicals may not work for neurodivergents. It is frustrating to deal with procrastination and executive dysfunction as a neurdivergent person, but that does not mean that the ways we do get things done are faulty. Grinding against your brain inorder to be ideally productive sounds more like a way to burn someone out than indulging in bursts of passion/inspiration.

How boredom can Help

I long since deleted Instagram on my phone. I had it to keep up with my Buddie who moved there from deviantart, and I decided to also post my art there. I left a while ago due to a multitude of reasons, increased ads, removal of chronological feed, but most relevantly the explore page. I liked the explore page! I found lots of cool artists to follow and funny memes to show friends. But I also ended up scrolling the explore page for hours. Hours of my life wasted on posts I didn't give more than a few seconds to, nor do I remember. Sen describes social media as an "endless feed of content that I'll forget about in the next hour" in her blog post: Why Neocities?, Social Media, and the Slow Web, an eye opening assesment that makes me consider more carefully how I use the internet.

More recently I added a browser extention to block Tumblr from my computer. Tumblr was much more insidious. Not only would I scroll for hours, but I would seath over TERFs and LGBTQ discourse. The hate reading was damn near addictive, and even when I closed my browser my brain would construct fake argments, again consuming my time and emotional energy. Not to mention the lack of good faith whatsoever on that site. I thankfully never posted there, but that makes the amount of time I wasted there almost worse. I contributed nothing there, made no friends there, and stopped learning on there years ago. I had to get rid of it. I've been more at peace since then.

Combined with my introverted personal life, the lack of endless scrolling leaves me sometimes Bored. Those moments of boredom that agonized me as an adhd child, that were comfortably filled in with scrolling, were now open again.

I turns out I need them. When I was bored as a child I had literally nothing to do. But now when I'm bored I can work on one of those responsibilities I've been putting off. It's not very fun or comfortable, but it needs done.

It's not a perfect cure for procrastination or executive dysfunction, but its a little better than it was. Its so easy to scroll on social media for hours, it gives you something to "do" instead when you're dreading important tasks. Allowing myself to be bored makes me consider doing these things so I can at least alleviate the boredom.

It's OK to abandon your site

It's sad to see a personal site someone obviously spent years crafting no longer updated. It inspires a bitter sweet feeling and a wonder of how the webmaster is doing, what they're working on now, or if they'll ever return.

It also may be frustrating to see dozens of half formed Neocities pages, containing nothing of interest and made from a template.

But neither of these things are bad.

I've witnessed people state that its a waste of time to craft a site and then abandon it. I've read multiple articles/blogs citing the half formed abandoned pages as one of the sins of Neocities. I could not disagree more with those sentiments.

People pick up new hobbies and drop them all the time, infact its hard not to do if you have ADHD. Maybe its because I'm not a knitter, but I don't see judgemental articles about beginner knitters who start making a scarf and then lose interest. Maybe someone tried making a personal site and realize it wasn't for them, they didn't yet have the skills, or that they didn't have anything they wanted to put on it. Thats okay, sometimes you won't know until you try.

I don't mind "carrd" or linktree esq Neocties pages either. Neocties is just a host, not everyone here is deticated to the indie/personal/small web. It's an accessible platform to play around with CSS and HTML, and of course a lot less limited than carrd. Naturally people are going to try it out and then move on.

As for well developed sites that have been abandoned, I think there is still value to them. They still hold information and resources. If nothing else they serve as a snapshot in time of that persons life or interests. I would much rather a person abandon their site than continue working on something they no longer feel passionate about by adding half baked uninteresting content they don't care about. Infact that tends to be a mistake made by popular "content creators" on social media, and TV shows with excess seasons.

I honestly did not picture my personal site lasting this long. I had an end goal in mind, and Neocities started as a way to publicly share a few page designs I came up with along the way. It was by happen stance I was inspired to make more pages, found a community, and continue to have new ideas.

It's okay to experiment and play around. Its ok to give years of time to a personal project and then move on. In the end you learned something (even if it was just that this isn't for you) and your time was not a waste.

On Transandrophobia: Transmascs, Transphobia, and Misogyny

Warning for dicussion of transphobia, including transmisogyny, sexual assault, and violence.

This article assumes you are well aware of misogyny, if you don't believe women experience discrimination and violence for being women, don't bother reading this. Likewise you should also be familiar with transphobia and transmisogyny.

What we know: Transmisogyny

Transmisogyny is a term used to describe the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that trans women and other transfeminine individuals experience. This can come in many forms. The idea that trans women are trying to trick cis men into being gay is a particularly notable one, manifesting from jokes on TV to the trans panic defense, an abhorrent "self-defense" argument used for cis men who have killed a trans woman they were sexually interested in, after learning she was transgender. This is just one example, if you haven't already you should read more about transmisogyny.

• Debunking “Trans Women Are Not Women” Arguments by biologist and trans woman Julia Serano - basic article and aimed at cis people, but her rebutals effectively expose transmisogyny
• Penises, Privilege, and Feminist & LGBTQ+ Purity Politics - excellent article on gender essentialism, how maleness is seen as inherently predatory, femaleness as inherenly pure, and why trans women are seen as predatory/corrupters - must read for challenging transmisogyny at its core

Those are easy to access short articles, Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity a book also by Dr. Serano, goes into much further depth.

Other terms

TMA is an acronym standing for TransMisogyny Affected, aka people who experience transmisogyny.

TME stands for TransMisogyny Exempt, aka people who do not experience transmisogyny.

Some (mostly trans masculine) individuals criticize these terms by arguing that they or anyone can be affected by transmisogyny, that TME is not accurate, but I find this to be an intentionally obtuse argument. Of course anyone mistaken as a trans woman can experience transmisogyny (from feminine cis men, masculine cis women, black women, intersex people, and other trans people), but TMA is obviously for those who experience it in their daily lives. From growing up transfeminine and internalizing transmisogynistic hatred/disgust, to workplace discrimination for being transfem, to transmisogynistic violence from cishet men, to the idea that trans women are sexual predators preying on cis women, etc.

I have also seen TME trans people criticise these terms for supposedly reducing trans people to their AGAB, but this misses the fact that TME also describes cis people, both cis men and cis women. In short, TMA and TME are helpful terms for discussing transmisogyny. There can be edge cases where someone who is not transfeminine experiences transmisogyny on a regular basis (particularly some intersex people), but I beleive TMA is inclusive of these experiences.

Transmisogyny is an undeniable force, but is transandrophobia a thing? Transandrophobia, transmisandry, and antitransmasculinity, all describe roughly the same thing: transphobia that trans men and other transmasculine people experience for being transmasc. "Transmisandry" and "transandrophobia" are critisized for implying that men are opressed for being men. "Transandrophobia" and "anti-transmasculinity" are critisized for their coiners having problematic views or interests. However I'm not interested in dicussing which word is less problematic, but the phenomenon they attempt to describe: the oppression/prejudice/violence aimed at transmasculine individuals.

Transmascs experience misogyny?

Let me first note that the coiner of transmisogyny, Julia Serano, PhD biologist and author of Wipping Girl, expresses the need for terms that define transphobia unique to nonbinary and trans masculine people.

Her quote here introduces an important idea, that all trans people experience an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. Unfortunately, the misogyny that trans men experience is frequently erased in LGBTQ and trans spaces. Gendering trans men as men is supportive, but not when its deliberately used to deny their experinces with misogyny. Its worth keeping in mind that feminist works rarely discuss or even consider the existence of trans men, so when they say "men" they mean cis men. The privleges afforded to cis men rarely translate to trans men, and never do if said trans men do not pass. Someone who is perceived as a woman, particularly a masculine woman, is going to face misogyny, this does not change if that person is really a trans man. It cannot be considered "misdirected" misogyny either, it is affects the person just the same. Even those who know that the individual is transmasculine, can very intentionally direct misogyny their way. Thats not to say trans men do not have any form of male privlege, they do when compared to trans women by virtue of not experiencing transmisogyny, but they have none when compared to cis women, considering they also experience misogyny (with additional transphobia).

The idea that trans men do not experience misogyny is a particularly objectionable to trans men who have experienced forced pregnancy, been denied a hysterectomy, have PCOS or endometriosis, been sexually asaulted by cis men, or otherwise oppressed for being considered a girl/woman in their culture. Unfortunately this can lead some transmascs towards TERF rhetoric, because their experiences with misogyny is at least acknowleged. This is not to defend these individuals, as they have accepted the foundational transmisogyny that comes with TERF rhetoric (easy for them to do due to being TME), but an explantion of why they turn that way. I hope that by acknowledging the misogyny transmascs face (without tolerating transmisogyny) we can prevent this.

Note that transfems do not experience male privelege, even if passing as cis gender-conforming men, since they are deeply affacted by the transmisognistic messages in our cultures (not to mention being in the closet is a result of oppression). Its incredibly important to keep in mind that trans men and trans women are not opposites. Trans men experiencing misogyny does not mean that trans women have male privlege. Anyone who is not a perisex cishet gender conforming man will experience oppression based on their gender (being a woman, being transgender, being intersex, and/or gender nonconforming). Its important to not spread TERF rhetoric by using frameworks like "female/male socialization" and "sex based oppression". We can acknowlege the misogyny transmasculine people face, without throwing transfeminine people under the bus.

Transphobia Unique to Transmascs?

Like Julia Serano said, transmisogyny does not describe the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that TME trans people experience. Some transmascs argue that it can, since they experience an intersection of misogyny and transphobia, but this is a technicallity made as a gotcha rather than a genuine relation to the term. One could even describe this as appropriative. The origins and usage of transmisogyny should be respected. Thus, like Julia Serano suggested, "additional language" can be used to express this intersection. Again, I'm not here to argue which term is better, but that an intersection of transphobia and misogyny directed at transmascs exists.

So what does the intersection of transphobia and misogyny look like for transmasculine people? Of course every trans person experiences transphobia, so I won't get into experiences that all trans people experience for being trans (medical abuse, denial of treatment, homelessness, employment/housing discrimination, violence, domestic abuse, sexual assult, sports exclusion, migendering, etc). This is for experiences of transphobia + misogyny that women (cis or trans) largely do not experience.

• legally being denied an abortion due to male gender marker (in places where cis women have the right to abortion)
• likewise, being denied birth control, pregnancy services, cervical screenings, and other reproductive care due to being openly transmasc or having a male gender marker, or having to closet oneself to access these (cis women are denied these, but not on basis of transgender status)
• TERFs/gender criticals insisting that abortion, menstral products, reproductive rights apply to women only - actively contributes to the laws that deny these rights/services to transmascs
• Depicting transmascs as helpless tricked little girls - removes the autonomy of trans masculine people in a particularly misogynistic way, puts the access to HRT and top surgery at risk for transmasc minors, especially so for disabled transmascs
• Depicting double mastectomies, bottom growth, phalloplasty, body hair growth, balding, etc as botched, disgusting, mutilated, frankestein, predatory, ugly, or wasting/ruining an attractive woman - demonizes/shames trans mascs for wanting and getting these, gives worth only to trans mascs who have not "ruined" their bodies, which were either "pure" or only had value as a sexually appealing objects (of course transfeminine transition care is also demonized, but for different reasons)
• perpetuating the myth that testosterone makes transmascs violent, angry, or ugly - discourages trans masculine people from seeking life saving treatment, and demonizes those on it - puts worth of a "pure," demure, sexually attracive cis woman over a transmasc
• testosterone being a class 2 controlled substance in at least the US, putting trans masc DIYers at much higher health and criminal risks
• erasure of transmasc experiences - results in a lack of research and resources, which negatively impacts the health and survival of transmascs (this is Not to imply the hypervisability transfems experience is a privlege, far from it, considering the violence and prejudice caused by hypervisability, just that its a different manifestation of transphobia that has its own disadvantages)

Some trans masculine people cite the high rate of sexual assault trans men experience (51%) combined with the denial to sexual assualt support services offered to women, but trans feminine people also experience a high rate of sexual assult and denial to sexual assult support services, thus I would consider this transphobia across the board.

This person shows an extreme sense of ownership over the body of someone he knows is a transmasc, seeing Elliot Page a woman who has value only as a sexual object and for producing children (I hope the misogyny is clear). Similarly, TERFs (self claimed feminists) bemoan the loss of butch lesbians, breasts, and uteruses to trans men transitioning, showing entitlement over transmasculine bodies, particulalrly their sexual desirability as lesbians and reproductive functions, disregarding their body autonomy.

Extremely relevent in 2023, is the increase in legislature against trans minors, which is heavily linked to transmasculine specific transphobia. These laws are backed up by a faulty study on ROGD by Lisa Littman, who characterizes Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (gender dysphoria that suddenly presents during puberty) as condition present primarily affecting teenage "girls" (trans masculine and other afab nonbinary teens).

According to Ben Kesslen from MIT Technology Review in How the idea of a “transgender contagion” went viral—and caused untold harm, Lisa Littman's article has been frequently cited in anti-trans bills, which primarly target trans minors.

Julia Serano tears into the concept of ROGD in her article Everything You Need to Know About Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria.

Again, the misogynistic sense of ownership over transmasculine bodies is blatant. One could argue this is an urge to "protect" transmascs, but it only results in a loss of rights, just like how the patriarchy "protects" women and girls by restricting their rights. Conservatives and TERFs alike only value transmasuline people if they detransition or reidentify as cis women/girls, transmascs are jokes, freaks, and perverts, a threat to both cis male masculinity and cis female femininity. Even then, detransitioned AFABs are heavily ridiculed in conservative/TERF spaces for the lasting effects of top surgery and testosterone.

It bears repeating that this article is not meant to say or imply that transmisogyny is less severe. Transfem readers will likely be reminded of the transmysognistic versions of these aggressions and how they may be more violent or paint them as sexual predators. Although not nonexistant, trans masculine people are less likely to be depicted as predators or experience brutality for "tricking" cis people. Nor are transmasculine people free from perpetuating transmisogynistic sterotypes and attitudes. All I intend to demonstrate, is that there is a specific intersection of transphobia and misogyny that affects transmasuline people in particular, and that it isn't limited to internet arguments, rather it devistatingly affects the lives and transition of trangender kids (of all genders) and transmasculine adults. My intention is only to shed light on transmasc experiences, not deny that of transfems.

This article also does not support transmascs who lean into TERF or MRA rhetoric. I very intentionally challenged transmisogynistic misconceptions seen in some transandrophobia discussions.